Up to pussy's bow

I've just about had enough. No, I won't do anything stupid but I'm almost at breaking point. I'm tired, I'm sick, I'm mostly alone and scared shitless I'll end up a gaga old lady in a nasty home as there is no-one to look after me. No kids, no husband, no job. I keep trying to think about the fact I'm a damn sight better off than many other people - I have a home and some income - but some days it's means jack shit. I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of being a fat lump who is too tired to do much. I'm tired of being sick, I'm tired of being poor and I'm a damn sight tired of being alone. Yes, I have friends but feel deserted by many of them at present. If one more person had told me how sick they had been with the virus and that their cough lasted weeks and weeks, I swear I'd be done for murder. It's like the stupid things people say when your husband dies. Just help out or include me now and again. Being lonely sucks. Being poor sucks - means I can't install the green items that would save me money in the end - tanks, solar panels and such. Another financial crisis looks to be looming and here I am with very few marketable skills anymore - it's been 4 years since I worked in an office. Nobody really wants an over 50's women as an employee - I know. I figure I should just delete this post as it's a whinge but I'll wait a while and see if I push the post button...